The Good Girl is Dead

The Good Girl is Dead
I often laugh and say my son, Sebastian was born with two fingers up to the world.
From the moment he was placed on my chest I recognised his soul.
I knew I’d met him before, and it felt like this gentle “you again” moment.
I hadn’t been through any type of spiritual awakening before Sebastian, but I look back at his just born photos and see so much wisdom in his beautiful face.
As Seb grew, he was perfect, rambunctious, full on, curious, kind and so funny.... but he never ever stopped.
He was hard to control but both Dan and I just wanted to love him.
We didn’t feel right harshly penalising him or enforcing strict discipline on a child who was curious and chaotic. When his heart was pure gold.
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THE PROCESS OF BREAKING OPEN
When he was one, I’d nip to the toilet for thirty seconds and come back to him on top of a table, getting into something he shouldn’t, or find he’d snuck an entire block of chocolate into his bed for later.
He has always been so headstrong, if he wanted something, he’d find a way to get it.
His brain was always working hard, trying to find solutions to problems.
The problems were generally us saying no or moving something out of reach!
There was nothing he couldn’t climb or unlock.
Every type of baby lock on the market was no match to Seb. He even showed his Aunty how to undo his Houdini strap in the car, when she was struggling with it! “Like this BB.” He said as he expertly unclipped the strap meant to stop him escaping.
When things became a little more problematic, was when we realised Seb was not behaving how others expected him to.
We thought perhaps we had been too soft, and this was why we “couldn’t control our child” However Seb was never meant to
be controlled, he was meant to initiate us back to ourselves.
We faced a lot of criticism as young parents. For choosing to be calm and less reactive. Sometimes we would lose our shit, of course we would!
There were many times we declined invitations to family events because keeping Seb still was much too hard. Restaurant
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THE GOOD GIRL IS DEAD
gatherings for birthdays were impossible to attend, Seb would be under the table, climbing across laps, or even on top of the playground fence!
Everywhere we went, someone had something to say to us as parents. Whether it was our family or randoms in public.
I began to pull away from everyone because no-one understood. I just wanted people to see how hard we were trying and how deeply we loved our children. I wanted people to think we were doing a good job!
I remember the exact moment when I awakened to the fact that I was not here to please anyone else. I was here to support my child and no one else actually mattered.
I was in the supermarket with baby Annabelle and 2.5-year-old hyperactive Sebby.
Seb was climbing across the line of trolleys as I was placing Annabelle in the baby carrier section.
He then ran over and climbed into the watermelon display! Yep, he was actually sitting on the watermelons!
The disapproving looks began... which I look back on now and think for fucks sake this poor mum has her hands full, she’s doing her best. Get the stick out of your ass. But at the time, I felt the heat creeping across my cheeks as I started to sweat, contemplating leaving without getting what we needed.
I took a breath and began visualising a bubble around Seb, Annabelle and I, knowing my only job in that moment was to support my children. Not please Karen, Sharon and fucking Melinda.
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THE PROCESS OF BREAKING OPEN
That moment was when parenting began to change from overwhelming to deeply connected.
Everything I thought a child should do, Seb didn’t!
He sailed through milestones, and was so incredibly intelligent, but he didn’t listen, didn’t sit still and always took things one step too far.
His kinder teacher once called me and said “We are concerned, Seb doesn’t know his colours yet, he really should by now”
I laughed and said “I have a video on my phone of him at 14 months old listing every colour perfectly”
Another time she called and said “Seb has no interest in writing his name, he needs to be able to do this by school. We are concerned he might not be able to”
I said “Seb, I’ll get you that mini Lightning McQueen car, if you write your name on the blackboard at home.”
“I did it mummy” came his raspy little voice, and there was a near perfect SEB written on the board.
Sebby also learnt to swear at a very young age, much to the disgust of many around him. Judgement is such a stain on the souls of mothers who are doing their best. We should be high fiving mums and laying flowers at their feet as they navigate the crazy journey that is motherhood, instead many choose to sneer or make snide remarks.
I’ve lost count of the number of times I have had to stand up to authority, or challenge their viewpoints, always viewing Seb as imperfect as we all are, but always advocating for what I
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THE GOOD GIRL IS DEAD
know to be true. This child is a phenomenal human with a heart of absolute gold.
I remember knowing that I was healing, one beautiful sunrise morning on the waterfront.
My friend Leesh and I took the kids down to the beach for a sunrise jump in, I had told the kids the night before “We will jump off the tower, into the ocean, as the sun comes up.” They were so excited!
We arrived to find the tower closed, because there were no lifeguards on duty until 10am. I looked at the tower, I looked at my kids and I thought, we can go round the gate and jump in. I am confident in their swimming abilities and mine.
So, we went around the barrier and climbed up.
As we were standing on the tower trying to find the courage to jump into the ocean, we heard a piercing voiced yell out
”It’s closed! You’re not allowed up there.!”
I said “I know. I promised the kids, so we are going to jump off, I’ve got this.”
Knowing that as a mother I can measure safe from unsafe, and they are safer with me than a 16-year-old lifeguard.
She kept going like a broken, very annoying record.
I said “Well we are up here now, so we are jumping off in a sec, it’s the only way down, so just hold up.”
And she kept going....
Seb said, “Look out, we have a crazy Karen down there” and shook his head.
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THE PROCESS OF BREAKING OPEN
She kept going.
She then yelled very loudly
“What a terrible mother you are!
You’re supposed to teach your kids right from wrong. What hope do they have with a terrible mother like you?!”
Seb at 8 years old replied loudly but calmly. “Oh, shut up you crazy cunt.”
His voice carried across the still ocean and wiped the smug look right off her face!
Instead of holding back embarrassed tears which would have been the case when I craved approval from strangers. ..... I was holding in my pee instead! Because I couldn’t stop laughing! Leesh was also dying of amusement and when I looked across the ocean, I saw everyone except “Karen” doubled over with laughter.
I later found out, Karen is part of the regular morning crew who go for ocean swims, and she is a crazy see you next Tuesday, who whinges about everything!
It took an 8-year-old boy without a filter to put her in her place. Some swimmers described it as the best thing ever!
We jumped off the tower and had the best day making beautiful memories!
I felt proud of myself that the opinion of a bitter woman didn’t ruin the moment or my perception of myself as a parent. Because we are not here to get nods of approval from the people surrounding us,
we are here to evoke the mother warrior who lives inside of us. 14

THE GOOD GIRL IS DEAD
What the world needs more of, are empowered children and mothers who stayed the course. Stayed with them in the moment, instead of enforcing them into the society that wasn’t created for them and desperately needs the changes our wild and brave children will bring.